The Question of the Bathrooms
This weekend, while waiting in an incredibly long restroom line at a club....i realized something that really made me go "hmmm..."
Why is that the men's restroom is almost always empty while the women's restroom almost always maintains a never-ending line the length of the Great Wall of China?
Also, why is it that there's always the one girl in the restroom line who wants to have a lengthy ass conversation as the line moves painfully slow?
I call these girls the "Line Talkers" or "LTs" for short.
It usually goes something like this: [Drunk LT] "heyyy...i luhhhveee your ear...i mean hairs....my boyfwend ates me. is dahcing wiv this BITCH, CUNT, WHORE, on the danzzefuu-loorr! Can YOU beleafff that!?! I ateeee im! i ate her! ......I ate life! *insert quiet drunken sob of despair*"
Then there's the Tourist LT, "hey, my name is Stacey! people call me Stace for short. cool earrings. cool club. great music. OMG! I love this place! I'm from Tragic, Oklahoma. Most people don't know there's a place called "Tragic" in Oklahoma....but like, there totally is! people usually laugh when i tell them i'm from Tragic.OMG! ILOVETHISPLACE! AH! This is my favooo--rittee song in the wholewideentireworld! Do you like this song too???! Comeon, lets Dance!!"
usually, if you're the victim of an LT, you're thinking the entire time...these exact words, in this exact order: "shutthefuckupshutthefuckupshuthefuckupshutthefuckup"
Ok, so LTs aside. back to the root cause. that is, the line itself. In my mind, there could be several, logical reasons for the major difference in lines between the men's and women's restroom.
1)Men are aliens and only vist the bathroom twice a day to "pee"...which in reality means they're going in to report to alien headquarters about the men-like things they achieved during the course of the day (Item #1: Smacked Girl's ass. Told girl she was hott. Turned around and made out with said girl's bestfriend.)
2) Men pee outside in alley ways, behind garbage cans, and near cars more frequently and comfortably then previously thought
3) Men pee in the bed
4) Men never feel the need to check that their makeup, hair, and clothes still look flawless & that spinach or broccoli from dinner isnt stuck between teeth which, hopefully, dont have a glaring lipstick stain which definitely means that lipstick does not need to be re-applied
5) Men don't gather in restrooms in groups of two or three to have mini conferences pertaining to super hot guy by the bar with green shirt and gorgeous eyes & super hot bartender with black shirt & tattooed neck behind bar, period pains & midol needs, and unreturned texts from last week's fling (ugh! i sent him a text like, i dunno, 5 HOURS ago! He usually responds in like, 4 HOURS & 58MINUTES! He can NEVER love me the way i need him to! What does this MEAN!?! Quick. What should i DO!?).
6) Men hold in pee similar to the way they hold in emotions
7) Men don't bleed for five days or more once a month
8) Men tend to pee on surfaces other than in actual toilet, including but not limited to areas surrounding bowl, walls, & floors. Also, men see no need to wash hands or flush, thus shortening average bathroom waiting time for fellow man
9)Men don't go to restroom for drunken sob sessions
10) Men don't painstakingly line toilet with layers of tissue paper before sitting down
11) Men pee in their pants
Why is that the men's restroom is almost always empty while the women's restroom almost always maintains a never-ending line the length of the Great Wall of China?
Also, why is it that there's always the one girl in the restroom line who wants to have a lengthy ass conversation as the line moves painfully slow?
I call these girls the "Line Talkers" or "LTs" for short.
It usually goes something like this: [Drunk LT] "heyyy...i luhhhveee your ear...i mean hairs....my boyfwend ates me. is dahcing wiv this BITCH, CUNT, WHORE, on the danzzefuu-loorr! Can YOU beleafff that!?! I ateeee im! i ate her! ......I ate life! *insert quiet drunken sob of despair*"
Then there's the Tourist LT, "hey, my name is Stacey! people call me Stace for short. cool earrings. cool club. great music. OMG! I love this place! I'm from Tragic, Oklahoma. Most people don't know there's a place called "Tragic" in Oklahoma....but like, there totally is! people usually laugh when i tell them i'm from Tragic.OMG! ILOVETHISPLACE! AH! This is my favooo--rittee song in the wholewideentireworld! Do you like this song too???! Comeon, lets Dance!!"
usually, if you're the victim of an LT, you're thinking the entire time...these exact words, in this exact order: "shutthefuckupshutthefuckupshuthefuckupshutthefuckup"
Ok, so LTs aside. back to the root cause. that is, the line itself. In my mind, there could be several, logical reasons for the major difference in lines between the men's and women's restroom.
1)Men are aliens and only vist the bathroom twice a day to "pee"...which in reality means they're going in to report to alien headquarters about the men-like things they achieved during the course of the day (Item #1: Smacked Girl's ass. Told girl she was hott. Turned around and made out with said girl's bestfriend.)
2) Men pee outside in alley ways, behind garbage cans, and near cars more frequently and comfortably then previously thought
3) Men pee in the bed
4) Men never feel the need to check that their makeup, hair, and clothes still look flawless & that spinach or broccoli from dinner isnt stuck between teeth which, hopefully, dont have a glaring lipstick stain which definitely means that lipstick does not need to be re-applied
5) Men don't gather in restrooms in groups of two or three to have mini conferences pertaining to super hot guy by the bar with green shirt and gorgeous eyes & super hot bartender with black shirt & tattooed neck behind bar, period pains & midol needs, and unreturned texts from last week's fling (ugh! i sent him a text like, i dunno, 5 HOURS ago! He usually responds in like, 4 HOURS & 58MINUTES! He can NEVER love me the way i need him to! What does this MEAN!?! Quick. What should i DO!?).
6) Men hold in pee similar to the way they hold in emotions
7) Men don't bleed for five days or more once a month
8) Men tend to pee on surfaces other than in actual toilet, including but not limited to areas surrounding bowl, walls, & floors. Also, men see no need to wash hands or flush, thus shortening average bathroom waiting time for fellow man
9)Men don't go to restroom for drunken sob sessions
10) Men don't painstakingly line toilet with layers of tissue paper before sitting down
11) Men pee in their pants
posted by AfroPosh at 7:48 AM
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