...because it takes alot of work to stay a loser....

Song(s) of the day: Madonna's "Hung up" & Jay-Z's "Meet the Parents"
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So.

John Karr didn't actually kill JonBenet.

I'm sure there are people out there who are acting real surprised right now.

I wouldn't know why....seeing as to how anyone with a lick of good sense....knows that you can't trust a man who buttons the last button on his collar. I mean, anyone with a smidgen of common....yet it seems oddly rare.... God given sense knows that a man who traps his adam's apple behind a collar of any kind is most likely guilty of nothing more than being a TOTAL, UTTER, & COMPLETE loser. A loser of such massive proportions....that he can't even manage to pull off putting himself in jail for the rest of his life.

I mean...you know you're a real, godforsaken loser of all losers when you try and go to jail for a high profile murder and even that doesn't work out. For crying outloud! what in the blazin' hot hell does a loser of all losers have to do get some attention! some glory! some fame! DAMNIT! what does it take for a loser of all losers to end up in the slammer for life! What???? Burn up his collared SHIRTS!?!

You know John was all like in his room...alone with his shirt all fastened tight around his neck...with a cup of tea.....looking at "stuff" on his computer.....thinkin'....."i'll show those douchebags from high school i can be tough! I'll show them i'm so crazy...so crazy....they havent even seen crazy like this before. i'll show them i can kick ass! I'll lie and say I killed an innocent lil girl who didn't even do anything! They'll think "wow. if john could kill a cute innocent little girl who didnt even do anything.....hell! he can kill anybody! shit! he can kill ME!" ohhhh..... they'll be realllll scared then! so scared.....scared like they've never been scared before...scared of me!"
.....*takes a sip of tea*

Imagine the confusion over at John's family home in Georgia. There was probably a lot of muttering... checking of calendars.... calling up folks and then someone finally said.... "WHAT in the SAM HILL?! what typa crack is John smoking??! Why...he was right here eating xmas turkey the day before and after that lil gal was killed! See! I got snapshots! What is he on... METH ROCKS?? What typa devil's gotten in this boy?? Someone call 'em over there in Boulder...tell 'em that boy done up and lost his collared up mind...here...show 'em this picture from this here holiday when he was right here eatin' his mama's turkey...here...show 'em this picture of him in this collared shirt buttoned up all the way to the top...around his adam's apple. they'll know its him for sure!"
....then i'm sure his dad turned around to look at his mother...then added...as an afterthought ..."Mabel. you know, I aint got no plumb crazy folk over in my side of the family...."

Imagine the confusion over at the real killer's house. "....the he--....???? *insert confused chuckle*.....wha-? wait. for real??.....gosh. look at his shirt."

[I would also like to pause at this point to give a few kudos to those oh-so-dependable folks over in Boulder who caused a monsoon of hoopla.....prior to actually testing his DNA. Nice. ]

I remember the first time i saw Karr on tv. The reporter was all like "John! John! are you innocent?" and he turned around all trying to look menacing like Hannibal Lecter 'cept his collared shirt was getting in the way.....and he looked straight into the camera and was all like "No."
I half expected him to add ...."...and i ate her liver with some fava beans and a nice chi-an-ti..." but he didn't....he went on to talk all crazy about how he was there when it happened...it was an accident....he loved her very much.....so many details....TMI of all sorts....and i'm thinkin' "slow down now john...slow it downn..." but it was too late.....next thing i know, John's like...."I drugged her...." and then the reporter was all confused, looked down at her notes....flipped a few pages...and was like "John.....tests didn't show drugging of any kind." and then John looked down....and mumbled something like "oh." and then the reporter was like "what John?" and then he was all like "I SAID! oh."

and i was like......"SHIT. John! You are the biggest f'in loser i've ever seen in my whole entire LIFEEE! You STOOPID ass tight ass collar wearing DUMMY! You broke the CARDINAL rule of a good lie...RESIST GIVING TMI!!!! UGH!!! YOU ASSHOOOOLE!!! You are like, truly *the* DUMBEST LOSER ive ever SEEN!"

I wish i could drag his tightie whities far up his ass and then dunk his head in a toilet and flush it.