Raincheck Please

My birthday's like...almost here. and its sad...but the only thing i can think of that's special about this year's 23rd birthday (apart from the constant, never changing "i'm so grateful to be alive and kicking" assertions) is that november babies are probably babies who were conceived during that very sacred time we all know, love or detest or like me, have no feeling whatsoever about....called valentine's day.

i remember this one year in nigeria when my father denounced it as just another "remnant of colonialism...not deserving of observation..." and then quickly went on his way to buy my mom a gift. I guess its good for something.

sooo...i'm a product of some boots knockin' that went on circa valentine's day of 1982. i guess that's special. but in a way, its also quite ironic since i also have one of the most pessimistic views of love in anyone i know. at least...that what some people call it: "pessimistic". I call it "pragmatic"....a very seasoned form of pragmatism at that. big difference.

I came up with this special birthday connection to st.valentines 'cuz i pretty much concluded a few weeks back that '05 had been an utter, total, and complete bust. Realizing this bust led me to a point of panic which i quickly resolved by making up this valentine's day BS which made it seem like this year wasn't such a waste. Sometimes, when I'm trying to put a not so dark spin on it, i'll just say "this year didn't look so good on me"...."not a good fit so to speak".

It would be quite nice if '06 were kinder or at the very least...if it could manage to spread out the nastiness over periods like...lets say, every 3-4 months 'cuz the way it went this year left me saying stupid ole cliche things like: "boy. when it rains, it sureee does pour!" and "oh my, when the shit hits the fan...it really does spray it everywhere lemme tell ya!"

so that's it...the special-ness behind my birthday this year: I was conceived in or around the spirit of st. valentines. I don't know how wack that sounds to you....but it should sound pretty wack...cuz like...it is.

Carrie (my cubicle mate at the internship) says a lot of girls spend their 23rd birthdays sitting in a corner of their apartment or laying under the covers...crying over a tub of ice cream...listening to ballads from back when.
I was so impressed 'cuz it was like she read my mind! she knew EXACTLY what I had planned for my birthday celebration! amazing. Rach called me the other night and said something about going out for drinks with nay and some other folks after class. yea....she didn't read my mind so well.

I mean, I'd love to invite folks to my lil' party, but something tells me they won't enjoy it half as much as I will.

In a way, I think the purging in my apartment thing will be symbolic. kinda like coming to the end of a real tough race but knowing it isn't over and just needing some time to break down before starting it all over again. (ok so....generally speaking, today's been a long day for me. but just accept that analogy for what it is...)

Don't get me wrong. I'm not completely passing on the "act a fool 'cuz its my birthday" celebration, instead...i'm just taking a raincheck for some random day in decemeber when I decide i need an absolutely unreasonable excuse to act like an idiot at somebody's bar.

Look for me. I'll be the black mohawked chick on top of the bar yelling "happy birthday to me! merry xmas to you!"