Read this and your life will be better. Promise. (and other things i'll tell my kids) cont...
-Laugh. all the time. like, uncontrolablly. cuz life is a joke. a real freak show
--dating is like drinking. its real fun at first...then u get sick...then u get better...and u repeat... but don't forget to switch up your drinks (i, for one, have wisely moved from beer to vodka to fine wine....repeat pls!)
--be a celebrity...all day...everyday
-save lives. tell people they suck
--the bottom of the map is where it's at. yes, that's the south.
-don't just say you care. show u care. don't just say u love. show u love
--be mushy and gushy one minute -then turn around and be a total bitch the next. people will love you for this. hanging out with you will be like hangin out with a crazy person...they won't know what to expect...it'll be a real thrill. trust me...people looove crazy people. everyone hates normal people. they are soooo boring...plus they don't exist.
-you have a right to be extra, extra fabulous
-release your anger. punch that ho'. no really...punch him
--tell your boss that the office culture breeds a stifling work environment and that there's nothing worse than a micromanager. tell him u like his tie. touch him. tease him. ask him out for drinks.
--martinis can be "extrraaa derrttyy"
-ask for help when you need it..that's why ure not on earth alone. u can actually use these people!...spiffy right?
-don't be afraid to meet strangers. let them buy u plenty-o-drinks
--free will is an illusion
--don't be a hater
-u're breakable...but fixable...
--just 'cuz it makes sense in ur own head doesn't mean it makes sense for real
--what they say is wrong. no, it is not rude to stare. it is okay to stare. stare *hard* if staree is unbelievably sexxy or incredibly foolish looking. your eyes need time to transmit the information to your brain. however, if staree whips out his penis in the middle of the sidewalk on ur way back from your lunch break in the middle of the west village, do not stare. look away as quickly as ur neck can turn...whiplash and all. trust me, u do not want to know what's next and ur brain doesn't need that much time to process the fact that u just encountered a sexual predator. *sigh*....trauma
-get excited about life...do what you can with what you got & if it ain't much...get hype any damn way
-sing even if you can't sing. do this all the time. do-not-be-ashamed. be loud.
--hang out with kids...they're hil-a-rious....plus they're probably not that different from the people you're already hangin out with. ok, maybe that's just me.
there's a lot more....but maybe i'll just write a book.
----- in other very important news: I saw omorosa on tv today...she's gettin breast implants and plans to make people watch it. She's a very sick woman. one with a whorish marketing plan that will suck the 15 minutes of fame she was initially alloted to the bone. she's triflin'....maybe she and kimora are from the same planet. that is "the planet of bit-c-hesss"....
--dating is like drinking. its real fun at first...then u get sick...then u get better...and u repeat... but don't forget to switch up your drinks (i, for one, have wisely moved from beer to vodka to fine wine....repeat pls!)
--be a celebrity...all day...everyday
-save lives. tell people they suck
--the bottom of the map is where it's at. yes, that's the south.
-don't just say you care. show u care. don't just say u love. show u love
--be mushy and gushy one minute -then turn around and be a total bitch the next. people will love you for this. hanging out with you will be like hangin out with a crazy person...they won't know what to expect...it'll be a real thrill. trust me...people looove crazy people. everyone hates normal people. they are soooo boring...plus they don't exist.
-you have a right to be extra, extra fabulous
-release your anger. punch that ho'. no really...punch him
--tell your boss that the office culture breeds a stifling work environment and that there's nothing worse than a micromanager. tell him u like his tie. touch him. tease him. ask him out for drinks.
--martinis can be "extrraaa derrttyy"
-ask for help when you need it..that's why ure not on earth alone. u can actually use these people!...spiffy right?
-don't be afraid to meet strangers. let them buy u plenty-o-drinks
--free will is an illusion
--don't be a hater
-u're breakable...but fixable...
--just 'cuz it makes sense in ur own head doesn't mean it makes sense for real
--what they say is wrong. no, it is not rude to stare. it is okay to stare. stare *hard* if staree is unbelievably sexxy or incredibly foolish looking. your eyes need time to transmit the information to your brain. however, if staree whips out his penis in the middle of the sidewalk on ur way back from your lunch break in the middle of the west village, do not stare. look away as quickly as ur neck can turn...whiplash and all. trust me, u do not want to know what's next and ur brain doesn't need that much time to process the fact that u just encountered a sexual predator. *sigh*....trauma
-get excited about life...do what you can with what you got & if it ain't much...get hype any damn way
-sing even if you can't sing. do this all the time. do-not-be-ashamed. be loud.
--hang out with kids...they're hil-a-rious....plus they're probably not that different from the people you're already hangin out with. ok, maybe that's just me.
there's a lot more....but maybe i'll just write a book.
----- in other very important news: I saw omorosa on tv today...she's gettin breast implants and plans to make people watch it. She's a very sick woman. one with a whorish marketing plan that will suck the 15 minutes of fame she was initially alloted to the bone. she's triflin'....maybe she and kimora are from the same planet. that is "the planet of bit-c-hesss"....
posted by AfroPosh at 12:28 AM
<< Home