Imagine...

Imagine if Bobby and Whitney were role models in our society. Imagine them clean and without crack...singing duets...with little bobby christina singing backup and getting straight As in school instead of flashing her bare flesh in tiny bathing suits to the horror of all humans everywhere. Imagine Bobby dressed to kill like back in the day. Imagine if Bobby's jaw had never gone out of wack and if Whitney stopped sweating and acting an unrestrained fool. Imagine if Whitney could still sing. Imagine if we could only remember Bobby as the guy who was in New Edition and sang "My Perogative", "Every Little Step" and "Don't be Cruel". Imagine if we could only remember Whitney as the baddest diva of all who acted in Bodyguard and sang "I Will Always Love You". Imagine if we didnt instead have to remember Bobby as the ugly one who pulled a piece of turd out of Whitney's ass and Whitney as the crazy one who had said a few years back that "crack is wack" while on a crack induced high. Imagine if we could pay Whitney and Bobby some money to move to Mongolia and forget they were ever here. Imagine if Bobby had brushed his hair and changed his clothes from the night before prior to appearing on Damian Marley's music video set. Imagine if he didn't look like his breath smelled like he'd been snacking on goat droppings. just imagine...

Scary Thoughts...

Song of the Day: Sizzla "Be Strong"

I haven't blogged in awhile 'cuz i honestly think my brain is on hiatus until further notice (sorry Bukky A.). I don't even know if i'm typing in english. is this english? wait, si siht hsilgne? no, that's just backwards.
i just dont know anymore.
to be quite honest, i think 19 years of school has killed some of my brain cells.
sad...i know
but the good news is that it's over now. no more school. no more killing of tosin's precious brain cells.

lol...this guy on tv just said some chick looked like she was mixed with pitbull.
that's mean but very funni.
....




help. i'm laughing and i can't stop.



ok, i'm back.


so i discovered something very ridiculous today.
Did u know that Forever21 now has apparel for men? I dont even know how i feel about that...
wait.....
actually i know EXACTLY how i feel about it...

....

To say i will straight disrespect any grown man shopping at Forever21 is one incredibly huge understatement.

Speaking of horrific things..... i'm sitting here watching the Ring 2.
i haven't seen a scary movie in a couple of years now. Mostly cuz they were just getting unbelievably foolish and to be quite honest, i began to feel that going out of my way to scare the living shit out of myself seemed a bit....i dunno.....silly.
but sometimes.....every now and again....i come across some nightmare movie playing on cable and against my better judgement...i sit and watch the trash.
I'm no connoisseur of horror movies, but it seems to me that they are trying to tell us something very important. its a simple message and u may already know it to be true mainly because it is true: children are evil & teenagers are stupid.

walk with me for a moment:
the Grudge ( some outta control Japanese kiddie ghosts crawlin on floors and down stairs...plottin ur death one shower scene at a time...u wonder, if the japanese kids hate her so much...why doesnt she just fly back home to america? the answer to that...we never know...), the Ring (some deranged girl living in a hole, always dripping with old well water and looking for a mommy...(can u believe that this whole entire time...the creature was just looking for a mommy? for love? sad when you have to start killing just to get that....)), the Omen ("i think there's something wrong with Damien"....yes...but not really...he only wants to destroy the whole entire world), )....Children of the Corn (....some bored small town america children carryin' on...running around and in between corn fields looking like they eat Meth rocks for snacks).....and the list goes on and on....

...and dont even get me started on the different movies showin some full chested girls and a few frat boys all piled up in a car being all stupid and what not...drinking/sexing/frolickin in pure blissful ignorance all the way to some gruesome death awaiting them in 1) an old house 2) the woods 3) an empty town or worse yet 4) a full town where no one else seems to notice that people are dying except the stupid teenagers themselves or the local sheriff who's 1) evil and in on the whole stupid plot 2) the hero or 3) ridiculously stupid

in summation.... i dunno if its just me...but it seems like if u avoid large crowds of white people...well...white people in general....especially as high school or college friends....and places where white people used to live but died some horrible death...or an old gas station where some old white man works....oh...and white children....always avoid the white children....then u'll live.

i mean, like, this isnt my personal belief...it just seems like what these movies imply.

if i were white and i was reading this...i would stop everything i was doing at this very minute and write a letter to a few directors and scriptwriters demanding that they stop portraying my people in such a bad and highly disrespectful light.

seriously.

This Month's Obsessions:

-------
5. season finales (i almost lost my life over the Grey's Anatomy finale...can u say *intense*???)
4. apartment search (i can't do anything else all day...i'm insanely, insanely obsessed)
3. Vouvray white wine
2. the seemingly insurmountable collection of naija movies
1. out with the old...in with the new

She graduates...

(top L to bottom R): tobs n' pops, the fam minus one, tobi, tos and chem (me and that damned sweater...ok, i'll fold it up Fuu....its just so comfy...like a security blankie...and u kno...i need that.. :(...ok...fine...i hate Fuu)

Read this and your life will be better. Promise. (and other things i'll tell my kids) cont...

-Laugh. all the time. like, uncontrolablly. cuz life is a joke. a real freak show

--dating is like drinking. its real fun at first...then u get sick...then u get better...and u repeat... but don't forget to switch up your drinks (i, for one, have wisely moved from beer to vodka to fine wine....repeat pls!)

--be a celebrity...all day...everyday

-save lives. tell people they suck

--the bottom of the map is where it's at. yes, that's the south.

-don't just say you care. show u care. don't just say u love. show u love

--be mushy and gushy one minute -then turn around and be a total bitch the next. people will love you for this. hanging out with you will be like hangin out with a crazy person...they won't know what to expect...it'll be a real thrill. trust me...people looove crazy people. everyone hates normal people. they are soooo boring...plus they don't exist.

-you have a right to be extra, extra fabulous

-release your anger. punch that ho'. no really...punch him

--tell your boss that the office culture breeds a stifling work environment and that there's nothing worse than a micromanager. tell him u like his tie. touch him. tease him. ask him out for drinks.

--martinis can be "extrraaa derrttyy"

-ask for help when you need it..that's why ure not on earth alone. u can actually use these people!...spiffy right?

-don't be afraid to meet strangers. let them buy u plenty-o-drinks

--free will is an illusion

--don't be a hater

-u're breakable...but fixable...

--just 'cuz it makes sense in ur own head doesn't mean it makes sense for real

--what they say is wrong. no, it is not rude to stare. it is okay to stare. stare *hard* if staree is unbelievably sexxy or incredibly foolish looking. your eyes need time to transmit the information to your brain. however, if staree whips out his penis in the middle of the sidewalk on ur way back from your lunch break in the middle of the west village, do not stare. look away as quickly as ur neck can turn...whiplash and all. trust me, u do not want to know what's next and ur brain doesn't need that much time to process the fact that u just encountered a sexual predator. *sigh*....trauma

-get excited about life...do what you can with what you got & if it ain't much...get hype any damn way

-sing even if you can't sing. do this all the time. do-not-be-ashamed. be loud.

--hang out with kids...they're hil-a-rious....plus they're probably not that different from the people you're already hangin out with. ok, maybe that's just me.

there's a lot more....but maybe i'll just write a book.

----- in other very important news: I saw omorosa on tv today...she's gettin breast implants and plans to make people watch it. She's a very sick woman. one with a whorish marketing plan that will suck the 15 minutes of fame she was initially alloted to the bone. she's triflin'....maybe she and kimora are from the same planet. that is "the planet of bit-c-hesss"....

Read this and your life will be better. Promise. (and other things i'll tell my kids)

song of the day:
"Holla at Me"- DJ Khaled/Lil' Wayne/Paul Wall/Rick Ross/Pitbull

--------------------
A few key lessons learnt in the past two years :

--when your black face complete with a butterfly outfit appears on the channel 5 new's coverage of the annual gay parade...they will play a sound bite deleting the part when u said "i'm actually not gay...i'm here to support my friends"....and will instead show u yelling "whoo ooo!!" u will go to work the next day and feel like everyone's staring at you...mostly because they are. your african mother will ask if u recorded it so she can have it in her personal collection of "things tosin has done". this will warm ur heart and scare u all at the very same time because what else is in that collection anyway?

-the true measure of who someone is....lies not in what they say...but what they ultimately end up doing ......."don't talk about it maynneee...be about it !"

--the homeless man around the corner does not want a strawberry kiwi energy shake with a shot of vitamin c from jamba juice. he wants meat.

-upon riding a subway, you will learn that nothing smells worse than piss and beer and rat

--upon waking up everyday...u will be reminded...time and time again...that crazy is around the corner...at your front door...at your job...at the store...in the club...in church...on the train (yes lawd..that train!)... and it could very well catch you too

-I'm not the tin man. I have a hEaRt.....i care..i feel..look at me...i'm girly damnit!

-i'm not crying
- i'm PMSin
-i'm confused
-i'm lost
-hold me
-i will work hard so i can one day pay for the therapist i need now

--be adventurous. ask the guy loitering on the corner who he's waiting for. ask him if the corner qualifies as a "trap" 'cuz you wanna be a "trapstar" too

-life is full of disappointments and let downs. thats just all there is to it. Like jerri aptly pointed out: "things tend to get better after the worse things have already happened not because things necessarily got better...just 'cuz they couldnt possibly get any worse"

--nice guys are better than mean guys. but not too nice...cuz then i wanna throw up a little

--the 80 year old russian lady at your internship will tell you stories about when she partied with ambassadors in africa in 1895 and in the course of the conversation refer, with a straight face, to the people that lived in "the beautiful desert" as "gorgeous negro men". u will nod... smile & say " really? sounds like a great time"

-don't be stupid

-if you're not happy....you're sad and that's downright pitiful. life is too damned short. get happy...now.

--your landlord will inform you that because you're nigerian u're most likely an extortionist...and quite possibly a whore... he will call your language "stupid"....he will offer u $1000 to leave his building so he can sell it...u will demand $5000...and get it. how's that for extortion now biatch?.......

--boys are infinitely dumb. girls too.

--wine is the drink of gods and champions...when you break a bottle of reisling on the subway stairs...you will stand there and attempt to figure out how to carry the lil bit that's left in the broken half home...u will think *hard and long* about this...

--love needs to be nurtured and kept in order to grow...add to this: think with your mind not your heart...cuz hearts break and it sho' nuff aint pretty

-leave your judgements at home. no one cares

--those who care/those who matter will not make you cry. unless u're a big ole' baby and they don't care cuz u cry all the time anyway

-humble yourself
-love yourself
-be yourself
-cherish life
-be kind/share

-new york pizza is better than your pizza...
-new york gays are better than your gays and just u kno, "gay-er"
-new york chicks are better than yours...the boys too...
-new york fabulous is better than your fabulous
-new york is just better....
- but i'm ready for something new and better in a different way

ver and i...
tit grab!
Olivia...lol yum...